Why Are We More Connected Than Ever Yet Feel So Alone?
10 Minute Read
It’s April 2020, around 6:45 a.m. in Kampala, Uganda. The sun has just poked out over the hill, piercing me in the eye, along with a mosquito who just won’t quit trying to bite my ear.
Weirdly, I welcome it. It gives me a good reason to wake up and do my workout, even if I have to be my own coach, convincing myself to get out of bed.
But this is April 2020. Just weeks into the COVID-19 pandemic breaking worldwide, and the world is living in lockdown, including here in Uganda. I’ve developed a habit nowadays of immediately picking up my phone in the morning and getting a WhatsApp message update from the World Health Organization with daily COVID case numbers.
My work involves coordinating international travel to East Africa for hundreds of Americans each year, so I tell myself this is why I’m staying so connected to this information first thing in the morning. As I scroll down the list of numbers on a well-designed spreadsheet, I eventually hit Peru, the Philippines, and Poland in the alphabet when it hits me:
Why the fuck am I looking at this right now?
It’s nothing against the people of those countries and their health. However, it has literally zero impact on my life at the moment. I’m laying here, alone in bed in Kampala, now starting my day feeling scared, helpless, and ready to jump into action as I imagine people sick with COVID in Lima, Manila, and Warsaw.
All I really need to be concerned about right now is putting on clothes, drinking some water, checking on my roommates, messaging my family and a few close friends, and getting on my yoga mat.
In addition to social media posts, current events newsletters, and daily podcasts, I was more connected to the world around me than ever, yet I had never felt more alone.
I realized I wasn’t just lonely and overwhelmed. I was reaching for a feeling of genuine connection in a place that couldn’t actually give it to me.
A Small Distinction That Matters
Now, there’s a difference between feeling lonely and social isolation
Social isolation = a lack of meaningful relationships or interactions with other people.
Loneliness = the painful feeling that arises from a gap between the amount of connection we want and how much connection we’re actually getting. Loneliness can be present even when we’re surrounded by lots of people.¹
And right now, loneliness is everywhere. The World Health Organization reported in 2025 that about 1 in 6 people worldwide feel lonely, and it has made social connection a public health priority.²
This should matter to all of us because loneliness doesn’t just hurt us emotionally. Prolonged loneliness increases our risk of premature death by 26%—comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. It also increases our risk of dementia by up to 50%, and our risk of stroke or heart disease by nearly 30%.³
It can shape health, mood, and the way we move throughout the world and contribute, or don’t, to our community.⁴
But here’s what all that data doesn’t capture: every single statistic represents millions of moments where someone could have reached out and didn’t. Where a conversation that might have mattered never happened.
Now, some people will hear this and think, “I’m just introverted,” or “I’m too busy,” or “I don’t really need that much connection.” And sure, some of that is true. But being introverted is not the same as being disconnected, and being busy is not the same as being genuinely connected. A lot of us aren’t refusing connection—we’re just trying not to feel like a burden, not to get embarrassed, and not to risk reaching out first.
The problem is not having too little communication or connection. The problem is too little meaningful connection.
That’s the strange thing about human connection: sometimes the clearest answers to this problem don’t come from gathering more information or preparation, but from finally talking to a real person out in the world.
I’ve seen this play out many times in my own life, but I’ve also watched it happen hundreds of times while facilitating conversations with all kinds of people.
A few weeks ago, I saw that firsthand at a recent Lost Art of Random Conversations (LARC) event in Santa Barbara. A woman there told me she attends weekly social groups, does 1:1 therapy, and sees a fair amount of people at her workplace. But she said our two-hour LARC event was the most connected and that her “cup was filled” more than any of that other stuff.
Why? Because she had a chance to feel fully understood by people who were just focused on listening to her. It was also in person, and she said the grounding exercise at the beginning gave her the chance to slow her mind and nervous system down in a way she hadn’t been able to do for a while.
That’s what meaningful conversations can do.
I think scrolling our phones is a disguised attempt at real connection. We scroll for the same reason we used to lean over the fence and talk to our neighbor. We want to feel like we belong somewhere. But a “liked” post doesn’t land the same way as someone looking us in the eye and saying, “Hey, how are things going with you?” does.
Most of us aren’t consciously choosing our phones over people. It’s just a habit. We don’t realize what we’re missing until we stumble into a conversation that reminds us what we’ve been starving for.
Over the past year, I’ve spent a lot of time on my computer asking AI questions about human connection, relationships, social confidence, and belonging. And the more information I gathered, the more overwhelmed I felt. Then I did my first LARC pop-up, where I talked to strangers face-to-face, and everything got clearer again. Their responses in real time were better information than anything I could find on my laptop.
Then, a couple weeks ago, I did my first LARC pop-up, where I went out and talked to strangers around town. I was amazed by how much clearer my intention and reason for building LARC at all became again. I got to ask real people face-to-face what they thought about this exact question: “Why Are We More Connected Than Ever Yet Feel So Alone?” Their genuine responses in the moment were better information than anything I could find on my laptop.
Machines can help us collect information, but they can’t replace the experience of being with another human being who is actually listening.
AI is reducing our need for face-to-face interaction, which makes authentic human connection even more valuable. The more efficient our systems become, the more precious it is to be fully present with one another.
I walked outside in those early lockdown days and started paying attention to the people actually around me. I bought watermelons and pineapples from the guys I always bought from. I chatted with the women running the vegetable stalls. I stopped by the supermarket where the Ethiopian husband and wife knew my name. I said hi to the waving motorcycle taxi drivers in my neighborhood. I checked in with the guard outside my apartment complex, asked about his kids, and saw new pictures on his phone.
None of those conversations were particularly deep or dramatic. They were small, genuine, and curious.
How are you? How’s the family? What’s new?
Those connections weren’t created by accident. They were built by showing up over and over again, remembering names, listening to answers, and caring enough to keep asking.
Every time I did that, it worked as an antidote to my loneliness.
We’re not meant to keep up with everyone, even if we pretend we have the same capacity to respond to emails as an AI call center. We’re meant to show up more present and curious with the people right in front of us.
Conversation Challenge
Think of somoene you’d love to receive a roandom phone call from.
Now, what would happen if you called them first?
Don’t overthink it. Don’t text them asking for dates and times. Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Don’t take it personally when they don’t answer.
Sources
Office of the U.S. Surgeon General. (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the healing effects of social connection and community. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
World Health Organization. (2025). From loneliness to social connection: Charting a path to healthier societies: Report of the WHO Commission on Social Connection. World Health Organization.
World Health Organization. (2025, June 30). Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death. World Health Organization.
World Health Organization. (2025). Social connection. World Health Organization.
